Balance...

As a mom, I spend a lot time thinking about balance. I want my work/family life to be balanced, I want our kids' schedules to be balanced, I want our checkbook to be balanced and I want our meals to be balanced! Kind of a full time job - this balance thing. I spend hours praying for a fair and balanced perspective, for a life where all the pretty stones are piled in my busy little hands all perfect like in the picture.

BUT.... alas the "big but"....ahem.

I work more than should be humanly allowed, our kids' schedules have ground to a halt for the past 6 months, I gave up all control over our family finances (HUGE!) so I have NO idea what our accounts look like and we eat chicken nuggets, mac n cheese and fruit more times a week than I care to admit!

I often feel like if I just GAVE a little more, I'd be able to pull all things into balance. If I just tried harder, worked harder, parented harder... you get the idea. I feel pretty certain that what feels like a lack of balance in our family has to be a result of me not pulling my weight. I'm not doing something right... right?! Has to be! I see all my mom friends on facebook and they have sparkling floors and smiling, clean kids and a tiny waistline! What the heck am I doing wrong?! I'm supposed to be greeted by sunbeams and smiles when I walk in the door - and it's supposed to be at 5:00 - not 6! I then float around making a delicious, nutritious meal for my family that everyone loves and devours appreciatively. This is followed by family board games and laughing and the Leave It To Beaver music playing in the background!!!

WHAT AM I DOING WRONG??????

Maybe if I quit my job, and signed on as chair of the PTO and chaperoned every field trip and volunteered more at church and ironed our socks and ........ the list goes on. Literally for hours I could go on. How is a working mom in 2012 supposed to feel like she's "doing it"? With homeschoolers and "non-schoolers" and attachment parenting and crunchy parenting and vaccine dilemmas and bullying initiatives, how do any one of us have a chance? I wish I had the answer....I wish I had even a HINT...a nugget.....

Instead, I get through each day one step at a time. I commit to loving my husband, nurturing my kids, petting our dogs, giving lots of hugs and kisses, saying "i love you" and trying not to yell all while encouraging creativity and discouraging being unkind. I teach our children life lessons and manners and right from wrong. I teach our dogs to sit and shake (sometimes). I volunteer at church, I help in our childrens' classrooms when I can and I coach their basketball teams. I lead their girls scout troops and teach their Wednesday night church classes and take them to places like the museum and the zoo and the beach. I make it a priority to squeeze every single drop of goodness out of every single day. Some days I fail even before I've even gotten out of bed, but some days the wind is at my back and I sail through with smiles and high fives and hugs. The good days are so good that they carry me through any stretch of bad with hope and an everlasting light at the end of the tunnel. Some days I know that light is my Lord - and some days I'm sure it's a train... but either way, there is a light in that tunnel that can never be extinguished!

So maybe the balance I've found is in that. Each day I balance out any darkness that seeps in with the light of what is and what will always be hope and everlasting light.